The Wacky Lark of The Cullen's!
by meryl13
Summary: My very first fanfic,dedicated to rizzyg2, i know,i know many have done this but i really want to try Summary: The Cullen's using Ym, Alice hurting monkeys? Renesmee causing troubles? Animal problems, Emmett is afraid and other insane stuff :ON HIATUS:
1. the beginning

I know many have done this. But I think its cute! That's why I made one!  
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The brilliant Stephenie Meyer does.

volvo_owner – Edward

vampiregirl – Bella

shopaholic_pixie –Alice

emoboy – Jasper

machomachoman – Emmett

blonde&beautiful – Rosalie

doc^vamp – Carlisle

momivamp – Esme

blackdog – Jacob

wolfydude – Seth

brb - Leah  
************************************************************************************************

vampiregirl signs on  
shopaholic_pixie signs on

________________________________________________________________________________________________

vampiregirl: hi alice!!

Shopaholic_pixie: hiya bells!

Machomachoman: hi guyz!

Vampiregirl: hi em!!

Shopaholic_pixie: hey!

Machomachoman: 'sup?

Vampiregirl: nothing…..

Shopaholic_pixie: surfing the,

Machomachoman: how can you surf in the net? There's no water in the net, and net is use for catching fishes, right?

Shopaholic_pixie: idiot! By surfing the net I actually mean im looking up in the internet!

Vampiregirl: em, how did you manage to pass junior??

Shopaholic_pixie: bella what's up with you and the punctuation marks?

Vampiregirl: nothing it just seems fun!!

Shopaholic_pixie: oh well,I know whats fun! Let's go shopping!

machomachoman signs off

shopaholic_pixie: ok,how 'bout you bells? Wanna come?

Vampiregirl: uhm…………………..erm…………………gotta go feed my monkey! Bye!

Vampiregirl signs off

Shopaholic_pixie: what?! I didn't see bella buying a monkey or aomeone giving him! Wait. Bell doesn't have a monkey! She just don't want to go shopping with me!

Shopaholic_pixie: well, she can run but she can't hide! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Shopaholic_pixie signd off

******************************************************************************

well,that's my first fanfic what do you think?

please review! Thanks!


	2. When The Monkey Get's Injured

Disclaimer: The brilliant Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

volvo_owner – Edward

pixieinjuredmymonkey – Bella

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey–Alice

emoboy – Jasper

machomachoman – Emmett

blonde&beautiful – Rosalie

– Carlisle

momivamp – Esme

pixieinjuredmygift – Jacob

wolfydude – Seth

brb - Leah

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pixieinjuredmymonkey signs on

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey signs on

pixieinjuredmygift signs on

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: hi bells im sorry!

pixieinjuredmymonkey: no! you injured my monkey!

pixieinjuredmygift: yeah! Bella's right! you injured the monkey!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: I didn't mean to!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: what you didn't mean to???? I told you its wasn't stuffed!!!!! 5 times!!!

Pixieinjuredmygift: what you didn't mean to? She told you it wasn't stuffed! 5 times!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: but it didn't look like real! That's why I tried to!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: Alice for God's sake I told you it wasn't stuffed!!!! But you didn't believe!!!!!

Pixieinjuredmygift: yeah for God's sake she told it wasn't stuffed!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: Dog stop repeating what Bella's saying!!!!!

Pixieinjuredmygift: it isn't my fault somebody is cruel enough to try to break the monkey into pieces!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: yeah!!! It isn't Jake's fault your cruel enough to try to break my pet monkey into pieces!!!

Ididntmeantoijurthemonkey: how was I supposed to believe you?! Its so quiet and not moving!

Pixieinjuredmygift: we tried to tell you its sleeping!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: yeah!!! We tried to tell you it was sleeping!!!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: Bella! Jake stopped repeating what you say,now you are repeating after him? What's the matter with you two?

And Bella, please stop with the punctuation marks! Its annoying!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: and now you're scolding me for using many punctuation????!!!

Now, that's over the line! Who are you my father???!!!!!!!!!

Pixieinjuredmygift: okay! Let's stop arguing!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: yeah! Let's stop arguing! I'll do whatever makes you happy!

Pixieinjuredmygift: you would?! Oh gosh! Thanks! I just want a-

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: sorry wolf boy! I don't mean you! I mean Bella! Its Bella's monkey I injured! Not your's!

Pixieinjuredmygift: but that's my gift to her!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: so? You gave it to her,so,it's her's! Not your's!!!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: really?? **WHATEVER MAKES ME HAPPY??**

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: yes! Please just don't tell Edward what happen when they get back from hunting, I'm sure his gonna…………oh wait the dog gave it to you?

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: yep!! why???

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: well,I don't have to be afraid because dog gave it to you! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: uhm………..sorry Alice hate to break it to you but everything I love Edward loves so,if Edward hear about the accident im sure somebody's Porsche and credit cards are gonna be shredded.

Mwahahaha!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: oh yeah!!!! High five Jake!

*Bella&Jacob high fived cyberly*

pixieinjuredmygift: oh yeah!

Ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: they're coming in 5 minutes.

Pixieinjuredmymonkey: deal?

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: but...............I................. uhm......................NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

pixieinjuredmymonkey: i'm smell something burning!!!!!

oh Alice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.IT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wahahahaha!

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey signed off

volvo_owner: why is Alice running away shouting "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wahahahaha!"???  
and she is singing "im an Alice girl in an Alice world?"

pixieinjuredmymonkey: sis you catch her?

volvo_owner: yeah.

pixieinjuredmymonkey: uhm...............Edward did you happen to read Jacobs mind last week?

volvo_owner: yeah,why,love? whats the matter?

pixieinjuredmymonkey: what did you saw on his mind?

volvo_owner: on who's mind? the dog's mind?

pixieinjuredmygift: HEY! WHY DOES EVERYBODY EXCEPT BELLA CALLS ME DOG?

pixieinjuredmymonkey: jake,no need to yell! and your a wolf,arent you?

pixieinjuredmygift: yeah,but only when i pace

pixieinjuredmymonkey: jake, wolves are dogs cousin,so techtnicly YOUR A DOG

pixieinjuredmygift: oh,yeah i get it

volvo_owner: yeaaaaahhhhhhhh...........riiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhhht

pixieinjuredmymonkey: let Alice open her messenger.

volvo_owner: okay

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: Edward please dont shred my babies! i didnt mean to injure the monkey

volvo_owner: okay i wont,just say sorry and you mean it.

pixieinjuredmymonkey: and you have to make me happy WHATEVER IT TAKES

volvo_owner: okay Alice do that now.

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: but bella wants me to stop shopping for a MONTH!! i cant do that!

volvo_owner: if she let's you do that, i would shred you "babies"

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: but..thats not fair!

pixieinjuredmymonkey: but what you did to my monkey is unfair to!

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: okay! DEAL! but please not for a month!

pixieinjuredmymonkey: how long do you want?

pixieinjuredmygift: oh, i know 2 months!

pixieinjuredmymonkey: yeah! your smart Jake! thats good!

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! wait 'till i get my hands on you dog!

pixieinjuredmygift: and she has to stay away from jacob from now on.

volvo_owner: okay, deal with it alice

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey:: but........i.......uhm................NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

volvo_owner: do you want carlisle to about this?

ididntmeantoinjurethemonkey: no!  
okay deal! but please just one month!

pixieinjuredmymonkey: okay!

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hehehehe

Alice is giving up shopping without any catch?? hmm.......thats a very suspicious act of her

well,lets see in the next chapter!

review!review!


	3. The Chick Fight

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight!

volvo_owner – Edward

vampiregirl – Bella

shopaholic_pixie –Alice

emoboy – Jasper

machomachoman – Emmett

blonde&beautiful – Rosalie

doc^vamp – Carlisle

momivamp – Esme

blackdog – Jacob

wolfydude – Seth

brb – Leah

vampiregirl signs on  
volvo_owner signs on

vampiregirl: where the heck is Alice?! And my normal clothes?

volvo_owner: Alice said she's going to tha charity,what's the matter,love?

vampiregirl: haven't you read her mind? Some min reader you are! She just stole my clothes!

volvo_owner: that's why she's singing "Low",

vampiregirl: Alice's clothes is sooooooooooooo gonna get it!

volvo_owner: whats wrong with your clothes?

vampiregirl: she replaced it with colored skinny jeans, tubes, racer back tops, leggings and mini skirt!  
Even my shoes!

volvo_owner: what? Miniskirts? You can't wear miniskirts! ever!

vampiregirl: you care about me wearing miniskirts? But not skinny jeans, racer backs, tubes and leggings!

volvo_owner: what happen to your shoes?

vapiregirl: she switched it with high heels, pumps and strappy heels! And she stole my favorite Chuck Taylor!

volvo_owner: Alice is back

vampiregirl: get me here!

Volvo_owner: but Charlie?

Vampiregirl: now!

Volvo_owner signs off

Vampiregirl: that's fast, now go!

Vampiregirl signs off

After several hours of ranting, wrecking and destroying…………………………………………………………………………….

Vampiregirl signs on

Volvo_owner signs on

shopaholic_pixie signs on

emo_boy signs on

machomachoman signs on

emoboy: wow. That's a lot of ranting!

Machomachoman: you're right!

Emoboy: and a lot of wrecking and destroying

Vampiregirl: I hope you've learned your lesson you evil little pixie!

Volvo_owner: love, I'm sure she regrets for what she did to you

shopaholic_pixie: me? Regret? For replacing her ugly clothes!

Vampiregirl: my clothes? Ugly ? Let's ask Emmett  
EEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

Machomachoman: why my dear little human soon-to-be sister?

Vampiregirl: are my clothes ugly?

shopaholic_pixie: her clothes are ugly? Right?  
Think about your truck! Your precious, precious truck!

Machomachoman: uhhhhhhhhhhh…………I think its………………………uh……………………

Machomachoman signs off

shopaholic_pixie: see your clothes are so ugly he can't think of any words to described how ugly it is!

volvo_owner: ALICE! STOP IT!

Emoboy: NO SHOUTS AT MY WIFE!

Vampiregirl: NO ONE SHOUTS AT MY……MY FIANCEE!

Machomachoman signs in

Machomachoman: AND NO ONE SHOUTS AT EMMETT!

shopaholic_pixie: EMMETT!

Vampiregirl: EMMETT!

Emoboy: EMMETT!

Volvo_owner: Emmett shut the hell up and stay out of this!

Machomachoman: okay, okay I'm shutting

Machomachoman signs off

Volvo_owner: back to the point,

Vampiregirl: MAYBE MY CLOTHES ARE NOT DESIGNER CLOTHES BUT THAY ARE NOT UGLY!

Emoboy: I SAID NO ONE SHOUTS AT ALICE

Vampiregirl: YOU'RE DICTATING ME JASPER??YOU WANT YOUR BOOKS TO BE BURNED?!

Emoboy: no

Vampiregirl: THEN SHUT IT!

Machomachoman signs on

Machomachoman: haha! Japer's afraid of the clumsy human girl!

Vampiregirl: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME EMMETT????

Machomachoman: nothing!

shopaholic_pixie: let's ask Jasper, JASPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emoboy: yes ma'am? *salutes*

Vampiregirl: are my clothes ugly Jasper?  
Remember your Harley, your fast and beautiful Harley

Emoboy: they are very………………………alright?

Emoboy signs off

Vampiregirl: see that? Your husband thinks my clothes alright!

shopaholic_pixie: why did he run out of the house, then?

Vampiregirl: I dunno, why don't you ask him?  
He's your husband right?

shopaholic_pixie: huh! I can't believe you are in the right mind to get back on me!

Vampiregirl: some psychic you are!

shopaholic_pixie: yeah right! You didn't even touch my clothes!

Vampiregirl: maybe I didn't touch your clothes!

shopaholic_pixie: what the hell does that mean?

Vampiregirl: just look at your favorite purse and your so called "babies"!

shopaholic_pixie: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not my babies and my Douney and Bourke purse!!!!!!!  
Now, it's really on!

Vampiregirl: oh it's on!

Volvo_owner: girls! Stop it!

shopaholic_pixie: shut the hell up Eddie!

Vampiregirl: shut it!

Volvo_owner: did you just call me Eddie?!

shopaholic_pixie: yes! I just did! Now shut it!

Volvo_owner: NO ONE CALLS ME EDDIE!

Emoboy signs on

Emoboy: NO ONE SHOUTS AT ALICE!

Vampiregirl: HE DIDN'T SHOUT AT ALICE! IDIOT! (sorry to all Jazz fans out there)

shopaholic_pixie: NO ONES CALLS MY JAZZY IDIOT! Ugly clothed BELLA!

Volvo_owner: WELL, NO ONE INSULTS AND SHOUTS AT BELLA!

Machomachoman: NO SHOUTS AT EMMETT!

Vampiregirl: Emmett, did someone shout at you?!

Machomqachoman: no one

Vampiregirl: THEN DON'T SHOUT!

Machomachoman: okay, okay I'm shutting

shopaholic_pixie: ...

vampiregirl: yeah, I did! What's the matter?

Shopaholic_pixie: you get your stupid little butt in here ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!!!

Vampiregirl: did you call me on my least favorite name LITTLE EVIL PIXIE?  
and no one calls me stupid!

shopaholic_pixie: except from me!

Vampiregirl signs off

Volvo_owner signs off

shopaholic_pixie signs off

~Inside the Cullen Mansion~

JasPOV

"That was before she banned me from shopping for one month!" Alice and Bella are ranting again.

"If you didn't hurt my monkey I wouldn't have banned you!" she shouted back

"I told you before I didn't mean too!" "you are so awful! That's just one month!" "Bella that's was shopping! The only thing I do with my free time!" "But its so much! Everyday you shop like there's no tomorrow!" "Bella please understand me! That's my hobby! My only hobby!" " Alice that's not hobby! That's ADDICTION!" "How about you Bella? When you read, you read like There's not much time left in the world! No one can talk to you! If they try, you chuck them something!" Alice explained, then I remember

_**Flash Back**_

"_**Bella! Bella! There's a rat on your hair! Bella!" Emmett shouted but Bella didn't even flinched.**_

"_**BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alice shouted the she shook Bella.**_

"_**What the heck?!" then she threw her alarmclock at Alice, then Alice duck it hit Emmett on the back of the head, he actually fainted.**_

_**End of Flash Back**_

"Emmett, I still feel awful for that" Bella apologize to Emmett

"No, that's okay! By the way, nice hit!" Emmett laughed

"Alice just say sorry to Bella for hurting her pet" Carlise told Alice

"But she didn't let me shop for a month!" she complained

" Okay to make things fair, Bella say sorry to Alice and she's gonna take you to shopping for a week whenever she wants, okay?" Carlisle cleared it up

" Yeay!" Alice sheered clapping her hands

"ehem. Say sorry, now." Edward told Alice

" Im sorry Bella, for hurting your pet, and giving you clothes to the charity. I promise our shopping trip will be about your clothes that I gave away."

"Your forgiven. I'm sorry, too. For destroying your Douney&Bourke purse and your cards. You can dress me up for one week whenever you want." Bella replied

"Now, group hug!" Emmett called. Everyone look at Emmett like he said the gayess word ever.

Everyone laugh at him!

"hey Jazz! Wanna hunt? You've been very silent since they start the fight, huh? What's wrong?" Emmett asked me.

" Nothing," I just smiled at him. What a wonderful and funny and insane family I have.

Heya guys!

Well, that's the end of the chapter. Review!

EmmettandRoseforever, thanks for the sympathy idea!  
Heya Izzy!  
Jazzisgonnapartay, sorry if this is not funny enough for you, but the original chapter got deleted.

Review! Review! Review! Review! Review!


	4. The Chicken in the Closet! part1

Disclaimer: yeah,yeah. I know Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Or I should have just say "Twilight Saga".

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BPOV

"HOLY CROW!" I shouted.

"What happened?"

"Mom?"

"Love, what happened?"

"EMMETT!" I called.

"Why?" he asked. Innocently I may add.

"Don't give me that answer! What did you do to my closet?!" I retorted back.

"I don't know what your saying!"

"You put a chicken in my freaking closet!'

"But I………..I…….didn't do that" he replied.

"Emmett you idiot!" Rosalie shouted at him.

"Rose, get Emmett out of here before Bella does something that I know you would mind" Edward told Rosalie.

"But I didn't do that!" he defensed.

"Who else would do that? Carlise? Esme? Rosalie? Alice? Or Jasper?" Jasper, right he does something like this when he's bored! Oh gosh, I just accused Emmett for something he didn't do!

".Gosh."

"JAAAAAAAAASPER!" Alice shrieked.

"What my lovely wife?" Jasper came in the room.

"Don't lovely wife me! You just ruined Bella's clothes!" Alice shouted at him.

"Alice do you think I would dare mess up with the clothes?"

"Then, who would?" I asked dumbfounded by what just happen.

"My gosh Bella! I'm so sorry I didn't see that coming!" Alice apologize.

"Alice! You said yopu didn't _see _that coming! And who's the only one that comes in the house that Alice can't 'see'?" I told her

"Mom! It's not me! You know how I love clothes!" Renesmme said

"Nessie, your mom isn't talking about you. She's talking about your mongrel of a……..a………a _boyfriend_" he said the last part with disgust.

"Oh your talking about Jake," she muttered.

"Oohhhhhhhh……. Jake get I'm giving you freaking 10 seconds to get your butt out of here! Make sure I would catch you! Or you're gonna walk away with one leg!" I shouted full of angered not realizing that Renesmee was there.

To my surprise, she just stood there laughing. Okay this is weird why is she laughing knowing that her love is in danger?

"Edward get the chicken out of here!" I told him.

"Yes,love." Edward grab the chicken upside down. '_Gosh, poor chicke'_ I thought..

"Edward! Make sure that it's far enough that no one would turn it into his vampire chicken minion!"

"Renesmee why are freaking laughing? I'm in trouble and your laughing you have got to be kidding me!" Jacob said looking at her as if she was a freak.

"Mom! Don't-hurt-Jake-he has-nothing-to-do-with it!" Renesmee said between her laughs.

"wh-what are you trying to say?" I stuttered in shock. What did Renesmee just said?

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

EPOV

"_Hahaha! Wow! Did I just get uncle Emmett, uncle Jasper and Jake in trouble? Whoa! Hahahaha!" _Renesmee thought.

"Renesmee Carlie Swan Cullen! Get inside your room." I shouted.

"Bu-but Dad!" she choked out.

"No buts young lady! Get in you room. Now!" I poited at the direction of her room.

"Edward? What did she do?" Bella asked.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked her.

"yeah, why?"

"She's the one responsible for the chicken in your closet and the snake in your car few days ago." I guess she's in shocked, she didn't say anything. She's not even breathing, I'm glad she's one of us now or I'll be having an unusual vampire heart-attack.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

BPOV

_What? _I asked my self in disbelief

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Hi guys!

Sorry for not updating in soooooo long!

Im just so busy with school now!

Please review and tell me what you think

Oh, by the way this conversation is not finished yet!

Im sorry but I have to do my homeworks!

Sorry!

But please! Please! REVIEW!!!!!!!!

Just hit the green-ish button at the bottom center!

Pleeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!

Thanks!

Xoxo

Jalice


	5. The Chicken In The Closet part2

A/N: hello!!!!!!!! Sorry for not updating! I hope you like this chaptie!

Disclaimer:I. DO. NOT. OWN. TWILIGHT. and y'all know that :D

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

_EPOV_

_"Edward? What did she do?" Bella asked._

"_Do you really want to know?" I asked her._

"_yeah, why?"_

"_She's the one responsible for the chicken in your closet and the snake in your car few days ago." I guess she's in shocked, she didn't say anything. She's not even breathing, I'm glad she's one of us now or I'll be having an unusual vampire heart-attack._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

BPOV

Did I heard that right?

My own daughter, playing pranks on me?

"A-are you sure?" I asked him.

"Yes, love. I heard her thoughts while I was walking upstairs. I guess she didn't heard me coming"

What did I do wrong? Or maybe she's just hanging out A LOT with Emmett, Jasper and Jacob? But I'm her mom!

For God's sake! Did I taught her nothing?

"Love, what's wrong?" Edward asked.

"I-I-I just can't believe Renesmee would that. Especially the snake in the car! She knows I'm scared of that slimey creature!" I ranted

**FLASHBACK:**

"**Hey mom! Can we go to the Zoo?"**

"**Why?" I asked my daughter**

"**I just want to see some animals" wow, this is awkward of Renesmee**

"**Ooookay. Go get dressed, I'll be in the car!" I got into the Volvo**

**I was starting the car when something hissed against the back of my neck and something slithered at my legs.**

**It couldn't be a…….. a…… a snake, is it?**

**When I look at the slithering thing at my legs, it was what I thought it was.**

"**SSSSSNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKE!!!!!!!!!"**

**That's all I managed to scream, Edward came and pulled it off me before it bites me.**

**End Of Flashback**

Wow. I need to apologize to Emmett for accusing him.

"What did I do wrong? Edward! Tell me, have I been a bad mother to her?!" I asked him.

"No love, you've been a good- no let me rephrase that- you've been a great mother to her. Don't worry."

"What?! Don't WORRY?" I got a little angry

"Love, Bella. I think I know what's the problem. Renesmee's hanging around with Emmett and Jacob _too_ much."

"So? What are you gonna do about it?" I asked curiously.

"Well, let's just say Renesmme is going to be-"

"GROUNDED? And not allowed to see Jake?!" Renesmee cut-off his dad.

"Renesmee! What do you think you're doing?"

"I-I was curious," she stuttered

"Well, I was going to say 'have a trip at Europe with someone certain called Seth' but you gave me a more interesting punishment, so, you are grounded!" Edward smirked.

"Wha-what? You aren't grounding me? And a Europe trip? I guess that's better, but Seth?!" she asked stunned

"Yes, but now you are grounded," Edward said

"By that, it means No Jake and No Uncle Emmett for a couple of months!" I added

"Now go to your room and study," Edward said with a fatherly tone.

"And you better learn your lessons" i said

"No playing pranks on your Mom,okay?" Edward asked her. Then she ran to her room.

"Wow, are you really giving her a trip to Europe with Seth?" I asked him.

"No, I'm not about to give our daughter a trip to Europe with a boy," he replied.

"Why did you said that?"

"I was just having fun." Wow. Edward having fun? Now that's what you don't hear or see everyday.

"Well, wanna have fun?" I asked him. He just nod and picked me up going to our bedroom.

*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&

Well, that's the end of the very boring chapter!

I got writers block. :(

*sobbing*

Please REVIEW and tell me what you think!!

Please!!!!!!!!!

And I'm right, Edward having fun is not what you get every chapter!  
:D

Please REVIEW!


	6. When You Changed Their Screen Names

A/N: hey! Hey! Hey! Well, sorry for the long wait =(

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns one of THE Greatest book ever known to man! Twilight!

Here it goes!

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108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it – Edward

clumsyvampy – Bella

pixiemunchkin –Alice

smileyboy – Jasper

sexyvamp – Emmett

blondie – Rosalie

hotdad – Carlisle

hotmomma – Esme

smellymongrel – Jacob

depressedwolf – Seth

slowest-wolfgirl-runner – Leah

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it signs on

clumsyvampy signs on

pixiemunchkin signs on

smileyboy signs on

blondie signs on

slowest-wolfgirl-runner signs on

depressedwolf signs on

smellymongrel signs on

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: hi love

Clumsyvampy: hi Ed! Hi everyone!

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: love, please dont call me that,

Pixiemunchkin: hi Be- EEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: WTF?!!?!?!?

Clumsyvampy: Edward, langua- EEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

Smileyboy: what the fuck happen to my screen name?!?!?!?

Blondie: where the fuck is my idiot husband????!

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: where is that freaking ass of a leech???? I'm not slow!!!!!!!!

depressedwolf: hey! Im not depressed!

Smellymongrel: im not smelly!!!!!!!!!!! Am I?

clumsyvampy: well yeah Jake you're in need of serious shower!

pixiemunchkin: gosh! Don't you wolves shower??!?!!?

blondie: dog! get out of our smelling distance!

Smileyboy: doesn't the wolves take shower or something?

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: that's just Jake!

Depressedwolf: that's just Jake!

smellymongrel: hey! I do not reek!

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: yes you do reek!

clumsyvampy: hey! Hey! Enough of that!

Hotmomma signs on

Hotdad signs on

Hotmomma: hello dears!

Hotdad: what the hell happened to my screen name???

Hotmomma: Carlisle, watch your- WTH?????

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: so, you're a victim of Emmett?

Hotdad: I should have known!

Hotmomma: where is Emmett?

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: we

clumsyvampy: do

pixiemunchkin: not

smileyboy: know

blondie: where

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: the hell

depressedwolf: is the

smellymongrel: MORONIC LEECH!!!

Blondie: hey mongrel! Watch it! He's still my husband!

Smellymongrel: so? I don't care!

Blondie: what you don't care?!?!?!

Smellymongrel: you wanna take this outside?!

Clumsyvampy: hey! Enough! Do you wanna get back at "HIM"??

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: of course!

pixiemunchkin: who wouldn't?

smileyboy: I'd love to!

blondie: even if he's my husband, count me in!

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: OF COURSE!!!!

depressedwolf: hey! No need of shouting Leah! And yeah!

smellymongrel: oh, it's on!

Clumsyvampy: so, here's the plan

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

ooooh!

What do you guys think the plan is?

Want a preview of the next chapter?

Guess!

Mwahahaha!

*evil laugh*

oh, well!

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	7. You'll Get Punished

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it – Edward

clumsyvampy – Bella

pixiemunchkin –Alice

smileyboy – Jasper

grizliiber – Emmett

blondie – Rosalie

hotdad – Carlisle

hotmomma – Esme

smellymongrel – Jacob

depressedwolf – Seth

slowest-wolfgirl-runner – Leah

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it signs on

clumsyvampy signs on

pixiemunchkin signs on

depressedwolf signs on

smileyboy signs on

blondie signs on

slowest-wolfgirl-runner signs on

smellymongrel signs on

Hotmomma signs on

Hotdad signs on

************

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: Hi love!

clumsyvampy: hi edward!

pixiemunchkin:hi bella, edward, rose, jazz, seth, leah anf jake!

smileyboy: hi!

blondie: hi!

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: hi.

depressedwolf: Hey!

smellymongrel: ...

Hotmomma: Hello!

Hotdad: Hello.

grizliiber signs on

grizliiber: hiya!

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: Hey Emmett. do you know?

grizliiber: the what?

clumsyvamp: you don't know?

grizliiber: the what?!

pixiemunchkin: guys Emmie doesn't know!

grizliiber: tha what? rose tell me

blondie: im sorry to

smileyboy: tell you that

hotdad: I

hotmomma: cut off

smellymongrel: the............

grizliiber: the what?!?!?!?

slowest-wolgirl-runner: the......the....

grizliiber: the what?

depressedwolf: THE CABLE!!!!!

grizliiber: you-you-you c-cut off the CABLE?????!! *sobs*

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: Emmett, you can't watch your blues clues dvd, too.

clumsyvamp: and your pocoyo

pixiemunchkin: and your barney

smileyboy: and your powerpuff girls

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: and your dora the explorer

grizliiber: NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU"VE TAKEN ALL OF ME!!! YOU GUYS ARE EVIL!!!!!! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO TAKE????????????

depressedwolf: sorry emm, you can't play your xbox360 and ps3 anymore

hotmomma: we gave it to charity.

grizliiber:..............................................................................................................................

PLEASE NOT MY GAME CONSOLES! Im in level 98 now! PLEASE!

what did i do wrong? please don't take that all away from me!

those are the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY EXISTENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blondie: what? im not important?! mom, dad, family and friends. im leaving for australia in an hour!

grizliiber: no! rose! i didnt mean-

blondie: don't explain to me anymore! im leaving with mike!

grizliiber: no!!!!!! not the looser!

NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please rosie don't leave!

blondie signs off

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: sorry emm, rose has fnaled her decision

clumsyvampy: sorry em

pixiemunchkin: sorry

smileyboy: sorry, but rosalie is really mad

hotdad: sorry son

hotmomma: sorry Emmett

smellymongrel: sorry bloodsucker

depressedwolf: sorry dude

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: ....................leech!

0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it signs off

clumsyvampy signs off

pixiemunchkin signs off

depressedwolf signs off

smileyboy signs off

slowest-wolfgirl-runner signs off

smellymongrel signs off

Hotmomma signs off

Hotdad signs off

0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

grizliiber: guys! please! i do ANYTHING!!! ROSE!

please come back! guys! forgive! i promise to do anything you ask!

please!

0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it signs on

clumsyvampy signs on

pixiemunchkin signs on

depressedwolf signs on

smileyboy signs on

blondie signs on

slowest-wolfgirl-runner signs on

smellymongrel signs on

Hotmomma signs on

Hotdad signs on

0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: really?

clumsyvampy: anything?

pixiemunchkin: promise?

depressedwolf: for real?

smileyboy: promise Emmett?

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: be that leech or i'll-

smellymongrel: Leah! really bloodsucker?

Hotmomma: Is that true Emmett?

Hotdad: do you promise?

blondie: really emmett? do you promise?

grizliiber: yes! just don't take the things i love especially Rose!

blondie: ow, Emmett.

grizliiber: yes, rosie. i will do ANYTHING

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: remember Emmett ANYTHING.

pixiemunchkin: and that starts now!

108-year-old-virgin-who-finally-did-it: don't ever touch my car

clumsyvampy: don't ever, ever speak of mine and edward's private life

pixiemunchkin: dont touch my clothes

depressedwolf: you will let me play you videogames anytime, anywhere

smileyboydont touch or go near my federal army uniform

slowest-wolfgirl-runner: just don't show yourself to me

smellymongrel: do my laundry

Hotmomma: clean the house

Hotdad: KEEP OUT OF MY STUDY!

blondie: change back our screen names.

grizliiber: okay.

**************************

At the Cullen's mansion:

BPOV

"Okay! that was the best online conversation ever!" Jasper said.

"Yeah, you're right!" Jake agreed.

"And we just made Emmett do whatever we like!" Alice chimed.

"you guys are cruel. especially you ⌡akε! you made him do you laundry!" I told them.

"Love, relax. Emmett is a vampire. He will be back later. Let's just do 'it'." Edward said with his famous dazzling crooked smile.

"Okay." I kissed him.

"Hey you two! Get a room!" Alice a pillow at Edward and me.

SPOV

"Hey Ali, want to do what Edward and Bella is doing?" Jasper ask his wife. EW.

"HEY! I'm still here! You two get a room, too!" I shouted. The four vampires ran upstairs.

"So, blondie. What are you going to do?" I ask the blonde beside me.

"Let me clear thins up. First, mu name is Rosalie not blondie. Second, the mongrel made my husband do his freaking laundry while. And third, I'm going online shopping." she explained to me.

Sounds okay to me, I'll just watch T.V.

_Oooh! Blues Clues! yeay!_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sorry for the short chapter!

but please review!

thanks!

TC!

xoxo

⌡aL!cε


	8. The Mysterious Chatters

Update!

I miss Izzy! The great reviewer and writer!

The following famous contents are not mine. But I wish Twilight was mine :(

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Previously:_

_"Let me clear thins up. First, mu name is Rosalie not blondie. Second, the mongrel made my husband do his freaking laundry while. And third, I'm going online shopping." she explained to me._

_Sounds okay to me, I'll just watch T.V._

_Oooh! Blues Clues! yeay!_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

JPOV(Jacob)

_Mwahahaha! The stupid leech is doing my laundry! I'm gonna make him suffer! mwahahaha! *cough, cough*_

"' you sick, Jake?" Nessie asked.

"No." I said.

"Why are you coughing if you're not sick?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, nothing." I said, going to the kitchen.

"Riiiiiiiiiight. Well, dad's gonna fetch me in 5." She said. Putting her things inside her bag.

"Tell, the bloodsucker to deliver here my things, 'kay?" I said.

"Ugh! What you guys did to uncle Emmett is not justifiable." she said giving me a death glare.

"Ness, I know you and you so called uncle is close. But he asked for it!" I defensed.

"Yeah, bye!" she said waving her hands, walking towards the door.

"Jacob!" my dad called.

"Why dad?" I asked.

"Where is the laundry? More importantly where is my pants? He asked.

"Well, I kinda.........uhm..... made the big leech do it for me.." I explained.

"WHAT?! Wait, ugh!" He said. Okay, I'm in trouble.

"You're not gonna make me explain?" I asked him forcing a smile.

"No! just get it out there. NOW!" I have never seen Dad like that.

*************

Finally, I'm here at the Cullens. I rang the door bell.

"Why are you here mutt?" Blondie asked.

"Tell your lecch husband to stop washing the claothes and bring it here, outside." I said.

"Yeah, wait." she said smirking.

"Em!" she shouted.

"Get the stupid trash up here!" she yelled.

"Okay! Wait!" he said.

"Here's your laundry!" she throw me the over-sized basket.

BPOV(Billy's POV)

_Oh gosh! What will happen if they see the picture? NOOOOOOO! That can't happen._

_They shouldn't see that! Especially the dreamy doctor. Carlisle. *sigh*_

"Dad! I'm here! And the laundry!" Jake is back.

"Find my pants!" I said.

"What pants?" He asked.

"Uh. the one I used when Charlie and me went fisheng few days ago." I told him as he start to fish inside the basket.

"Uh, Dad. You and Charlie didn't fish for a..let me think....... A MONTH!" he reasoned.

"Uh. Remeber, me and Charlie went out for the night." I said. _OMG! MY my son will find out my secret!_

"huh?" he asked. _Oh stupid! he didn't know anything about him!_

"I'll just go, kay?" he told me. Running upstairs.

JPOV

_My dad is hiding something. Not only him but Charlie, too. Hmm._

I log on to my ym.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

blackdog - jacob

emoboy - jasper

emmett - machomachoman

______ - rainbowpony

______ - pinkpony

blackdog signs on

--------------------------------------

blackdog: anyone online?

blackdog: anyone?

blackdog: okay, my timing is good.

blackdog: my dad is hiding something

blackdog: but I have a feeling it's something not good!

blackdog: am I still alone? anyone? I'm just gonna sing

blackdog: I go ooh ooh, you go ah ah  
lalalalalalalala

I can't lie lie lie lie lie lie  
I wanna wanna wanna get get get what I want  
Don't stop  
Give me give me give me what you got got  
Cause I can't wait wait wait any more more more more  
Don't even talk about the consequence  
Cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me  
And I don't give a damn what they say, what they think think  
Cause you're the only one who's on my mind  
I'll never ever let you leave me  
I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye (bye bye bye)

I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

Untouched  
And I need you so much

See you, breathe you, I want to be you  
Alalalala alalalala  
You can take take take take take time time  
To live live the way you gotta gotta live your life  
Give me give me give me all of you you  
Don't be scared  
I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more  
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right  
'Cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around  
To answer all the questions left behind  
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today  
You've still got me to hold you up up  
And I will never let you down (down)

I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

Untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched  
Alalalala alalalala  
Untouched  
Alalalala alalalala

I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
Been going crazy from the moment I met you

Untouched, untouched, untouched

blackdog: whoo. taht was good exercise for me!

machomachoman signs on

emoby signs on

machomachoman: hahahaha! :))

emoboy: WTF???? is that what you call singing?

machomachoman:the dog was talking and I don't know what you call that but still! he's talking to himself!

emoboy: what is wrong with you?!

blackdog: I AM NOT TALKING TO YSELF! I WAS TALKING WITH... WITH

rainbowpony signs on

rainbowpony: me! his talking to me!

blackdog: who a- yes! I was talking to her!

machomachoman: Nessie?

emoboy: no you fool! Nessie won't even think about getting that screen name!

rainbowpony: I am not the girl you are talking about

machomachoman: well, who are you?

rainbowpony: I'm Bi- Bina!

machomachoman: oh, ookay!

emoboy: you have a VERY VERY WEIRD name.

pinkpony signs on

pinkpony: hi bill-

rainbowpony: Charize! remember I'm Bina!

pinkpony: Oh, uh- yeah Bina!

emoboy: Emmett! how many times do we have to tell you not to invite phedophiles in our chat rooms?!

machomachoman: but I didn't invite them!

pinkpony: no one invited us.

rainbowpony: yes, no one did.

emoboy: in that case. I'm logging off. Bye.

machomachoman: me, too!

emoboy signs off

machomachoman signs off

blackdog: well, you girls have to log off now! 'coz I'm not gonna let you take over my chatroom.

pinkpony: okay, jake.

rainbowpony: okay.

rainbowpony signs off

blackdog: how did you know my name? you pinkpony!

pinkpony signs off

blackdog: the new two are weird even weirder than me talking to myself.

blackdog: okay. I gotta stop this

blackdog: bye self!

blackdog: bye, too!

blackdog signs off

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

*yawn* I'm going to sleep this day was the weirdest day of my life.

EmPOV(Emmett)

That was weird! So weird, I have a feeling I knew those new two.

JPOV(Jasper)

Weird and awkward! I think I know the two new chatdudes. yeah, chatdudes. I don't think they're girls.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Well, tha's all for now!

Hmm. Who do you think the two new users? Guess!

By the way, the song was "Untouched" by The Veronicas

Well, please review! thanks!

xoxo,

⌡aL!cε


	9. Just an advertisement!

Sorry this is not an update. I'm just going to advertise my other stories.

Hi guys! Looking for other stories? Well, you can read mine! (ooh! interesting LOL!)  
Bewitched and The Violet Eyed Girl.

Oh, well. That's all!

-jalicecullen


	10. Jasper is freaking out!

A/N: Another update! And this chapter is weird. wanna know why? read :) And tell me what you think is weird.

Disclaimer: I, insert name here. Do not own twilight.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Previously:_

_JPOV(Jacob)_

_*yawn* I'm going to sleep this day was the weirdest day of my life._

_EmPOV(Emmett)_

_That was weird! So weird, I have a feeling I knew those new two._

_JPOV(Jasper)_

_Weird and awkward! I think I know the two new chatdudes. yeah, chatdudes. I don't think they're girls_

****************

The day after.

APOV(Alice)

_Hmm. I'm so bored. Maybe I could force Bella to go shopping. Yeah! SHOPPING!_ I thought bored to death - not that I'm alive - but, yeah. Then a vision came.

**Vision:**

"Alice!Alice!" Jasper yelled as he ran at my back.

"What happened Jazz?" I asked.

"T-there's a m-men. They're s-stalking m-me." My Jazz stuterred out. He never stutter's except when he's really, really, REALLY scared. But, what happen to make him scared and shaking.

"Who? Tell me!" I shook him.

"Them!" he pointed and I saw a man. No! That was not some 'men' that was-

**End of my vision**

Whoa! That was so hilarious! But why would they do such thing. Not that they're. No, that is impossible. But he got divorced. Maybe it's the cause of their divorce!

_Edward? Are you in my head?_ I thought, trying to communicate with Edward

Okay, mayvbe he's doing something. Well, I just have to wait 'til my vision happens.

*sigh*

I went down the living room where my vision is set.

JPOV(Jasper)

I was walking down the street when I sense someone was following me. I turned around to see who was following me but, no one was.

I continued walking. I quickened my pace when I heard some crunch like noise so I quickly turned around and saw two men. No, they're not men - they're gays!

I ran then they followed in human speed. Shoot Emmett will surely tease me. I have to get to Alice for protection. They yelled my name over and over in a familiar voice. _No! I don't know them!_

I reached the entrance of our house and then yelled for my wife.

"Alice! Alice!" I shouted then hide behind her. The two homo's turned up at the door, still yelling for my name.

"What happened Jazz?" Alice asked me. She was trying to compose her face then I sense some emotion. Happy.

"T-there's a m-men. They're s-stalking m-me." I stuterred out. I never stutter - except when I'm really, really, REALLY scared.

"Who? Tell me!" She shooked me trying to comprese a laugh.

"Them!" I pointed. Then she started laughing. Laughing? Oh, my. Don't tell me the hono's are Edward and Emmett. But, they're smaller than Edward and Emmett and they smell like humans but something stinkier.

"Jasper! Calm down!" My wife said.

"Yeah, Jasper calm down! It's just us." the homo said then took off her? His? Her? Oh man! I can't even use the right noun for them!

The other one took off the wig. It was Charlie?

"OH MY GOD!" Bella screamed.

"Bella! I can explain!" Charlie shouted. Then the other one took off the wig, too. It was Billy! That's why it stinks!

"No dad! You could have just tell me!" She shouted. I need to calm things down. I sent calming waves. All of us calmed down except for Alice who was still laughing internally.

"Okay, I need to explain something." Charlie said his face was in a shade of red. He was looking down.

"First of all, I'm sorry Jasper for freaking you out. Bella, I'm not," he stopped and pointed to him and the wig. "this. And the two ym user's named; pinkpony and rainbowpony are us. Me and Billy. It's only for our cover." he said taking a deep breathe.

"Because I want to find out what you guys really are. And, now I know. You're a-a" deep breathing again. "Super heroes." he finally said. I didn't know what to feel. Then they started laughing. So, I joined in, too.

"D-dad, how - did you come up - w-with - t-t-that?" Bella said between her laughs.

"Well, we were following Jasper then he started running. Really, really fast. And no human can do that." He said with a deep sigh then we heard snoring. We look at the direction it came from. It was Billy who was snoring.

"Uh, dad. Thanks for assuming that we're super heroes. But you have to be more creative Dad." Bellas said still giggling.

"Oh, okay." He said with disapppointment.

EPOV(Edward)

"Oh, okay."_ I was hoping my daughter and her new family would be like superman or spider-man. I thought I was going to have a super grand daughter._ Charlie thought like a 5-year old. I was restraining my laughs.

"_cough, cough_" I couldn't hold my laughs anymore so, I disguise it as coughs.

"Edward? What?" Bella turned to me and asked.

"I'll tell you later, love." I said.

After an hour Charlie just explained, Bella, me, Jasper, and Alice were listening and Bily- let's just say he sleep like a dead.

"Well, that's all." Charlie said, standing up and stretching his arms.

"Okay, Dad." Bella said. She stand up and walk towards the kitchen. She came back with two glasses of water.

"Dad," she gave a glass of water to Charlie.

"Billy, get up now, we're going home." Charlie shook Billy wake. Billy faced us and having a super senses We, - only the vampires - saw the thin saliva crust on Billy's face. Alice is supressing her laughter. Jasper tried to calm her down.

"Oh," Billy stand up and stretch like Charlie. Bella gave the other glass to Billy. He looked at her with raised eyebrows.

_Hmm. Weird. Why is she giving me water? Maybe she's trying to poison us._ Billy thought and looked at the water. _Why isn't it bubbling like in the movies?_

"Don't worry Billy, it isn't poisoned." Bella said like she was reading his mind.

"Oh, okay." He gulped down the water. After that Charlie and Billy went home.

"Edward, tell me why are you laughing earlier?" Bella asked me. I picked her up and head towards our cottage.

"Well, are you going to tell me?" She asked. Again.

"Well, remember Charlie thought we were super heroes and you said we weren't. He was disappointed because he thought we're like superman or spider-man." I explained chuckling.

"And he was hoping that Renesmee could be his super grandaughter." As I said that she started giggling.

EmPOV(Emmett)

This is so not my dream job!

Rose was making me manicure her fingers. "You know Emmett you could have been a great manicurist." she said shooking her head trying to hide her smile.

"And why would that be?" I asked her putting the red nail polish on her nails.

"That would be if you haven't been complaining all day." she said with an intimidating tone.

"Ha-ha." I replied.

"Emmett you agreed to this deal. Remember?" she said knocking at my head.

"I know." I said with disappointment.

"Oh, well after this I have a surprise for you." she said winking at me.

"Oooh! I can play my xBox?" I asked excitedly until he smacked the back of my head.

"What?" I whined.

"Emmett I was talking about us doing 'it'! Ugh!" she said then she walked out of the room.

_Oh my! I completely let the oppurtunity down!_ I thought.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oh, well that's the sucky ending of the chapter. Hope you enjoyed it! :)

Will have a time skip next chappy, is that okay?

_Preview:_

_Hmm. It's boring here. Maybe I could do something fun....._

Please review! Thanks so much!

xoxo,

⌡aL!cε


	11. Emmett's phobia

Another update!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Twilight Saga :(

* * *

_Previously:_

_EmPOV(Emmett)_

_"Emmett I was talking about us doing 'it'! Ugh!" she said then she walked out of the room._

_Oh my! I completely let the oppurtunity down! I thought._

***********

JPOV(Jasper)

Today everybody was busy. I don't know why. Alice and Rose forced Bella to go shopping. Renesmee was at Jacob's. Carlisle and Esme was out. Edward was somewhere. I really don't know and don't care. Emmett and I was playing xBox 360.

"Jazzy-poo!" Emmett shouted in my face.

"Emmett! How many times do I have to tell you not to call 'Jazzy-Poo'?!" I stood up.

"Oh, well. You're just mad because I beat you 3 out of 5!" He laughed like a 5-year old.

"Emmett stop laughing so loud. The house is shaking!" I said then ran of to my room. I'll just read a book.

Emmett, for once did not bug me. I decided that I didn't want to read a book today.

I just laid on my bed. It's so quiet, I wonder what Emmett was up to.

_Hmm. It's boring here. Maybe I could do something fun...._

A bright light bulb appear on my head. Hmm........ Since Emmett is the only one here. I'm gonna pull it off on him.

"Oh, Emmett!" I called.

"Yeah, Jazzy-poo?" Ugh I hate it when he calls me with that nickname!

"Let's watch a movie." I said.

"Huh? I thought you said 'Reading is better than watching'" he quoted imitating me like the fool he was.

"Well, I decided to watch today. So let's go to the theater and watch the latest horror film." I said then ran off to my room and search for my wallet.

"Jazzy-poo! Where are you!" I am so going to rip him apart when I'm finished with him later.

"I'm coming." I said and ran back down.

"Let's go!" Emmett exited the door cheerfuly. Be cheerful no and be frightened later. I smiled evilly to myself. After half an hour we reached the film theater and Emmett let me pick the movie we're going to see. He said he can handle 'anything' or any kind of movie so I picked 'Amusement' which is full of clowns. Lemme rephrase that. Full of Evil-Clowns. Mwahahaha!

"Jazz, what is the movie about?" Emmett asked. I felt a some wave of nervousness coming off of him.

"Well, you'll find out later." I said winking at him in the end.

After an hour and 25 minutes of Emmett's squeals, shouts and pocorn - yes, Emmett is very possesive of props he actually bought two buckets of popcorn - all over the place. And me, watching him plead to me that we leave the theater at once. And watching him squeal like a girl. I was laughing throughout the whole movie.

"Jasper! What the hell is your problem man?!" Emmett shouted at me walking towards the parking.

"Well, I thought you could handle anything!" I said still laughing.

"You know I have problems with that things!" He said.

"Oh, you have problems with clowns? Or you are just scared?" I teased him. He growled at me.

"Hey, man. Really I didn't mean any harm." I said waving my hands in the air.

"I am not scared!" he pressed.

"Yes you are!" I laughed.

"I am not and I can prove it to you." He told me.

"Oh, really? Well, tonight I'm gonna announce to the family that we are going to the carnival tonight." I said smugly.

"Uh." Was all Emmett said.

"Okay, bring it!." He told me.

Hmm..... This is going to be good.

* * *

Well, that is all for now folks! See you y'all later!

P.S.

Please help me promote my stories! I would be so glad if you help me.  
take and God bless us all!

xoxo,

⌡aL!cε


	12. The Game Plan

Another update!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Twilight Saga :( And the other famous things or names.

* * *

_Previously:_

_JPOV(Jasper)_

_"Uh." Was all Emmett said._

_"Okay, bring it!." He told me._

_Hmm..... This is going to be good._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

RPOV(Renesmee)

_Oh. My. Gosh! I can't believe Uncle Emmett flip! ha-ha!_

"Renesmee, stop mentally laughing at your uncle." My dad scold me trying not to laugh at the image I'm playing right now.

"Dad, you're laughing, too. See?" I showed him the part where Uncle Jazz dared Uncle Emm to enter the gallery full of clowns and Uncle Emmett said he'd rather enter the house of horror.

_Flashback:_

_"Jazz, I'd rather go to House of Horror instead there." Uncle Emm told Uncle Jazz._

_"Oh, it's okay Emm. Now, let's go to the House of Horror." Uncle Jazz smiled. Evilly, may I add. It seems that he's planning something evil._

_"Jazz, me and the rest of the girls will wait for you guys here, kay?" Dad and Mom were on the Ferris Wheel that's why they didn't saw what happen. _

_Aunt Alice was laughing to herself. I bet she's seen what Uncle Jazz was planning._

_It's been 3 minutes when "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" a scream came from inside the housebroke the silence. It sounded like a girl._

_Uncle Emmett came running out screaming "KILLER CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAH!!!!! KILLER CLOWNS!!" We we were laughing we can't breathe I was laughing on the floor mom has to pick me up when they arrived at the scenne and saw me on the floor laughing so hard. Grandpa Carlisle and Uncle Jazz came out laughing. Uncle Jazz holding a 'bloody' clown mask and Grandpa Carlisle, too. Good thing they're full grown vampires or they could have died because of laughing._

_End of Flashback_

"Renesmme, I can't read minds but I know why you're laughing." Uncle Jazz told me and high-fived me.

"Well, you're right Uncle Jazz." I continued to laugh.

EmPOV(Emmett)

Okay, I have to think of a plan. My niece and my whole family is laughing at me for three whole weeks! Three weeks, everytime they see me! Even if they don't! I have to get back at Jasper. Hmm....................... I think I have the right plan. MWAHAHAHA! *cough*

Jasper wants a game. Oh, it's on.

"NESSIE!!!!!" I shouted even though it's not necessary.

"Yes, uncle Emmy?" she said in a sweet voice.

"Hey, Emmett! Have you seen another set of killer clowns?" Jasper teased me.

"Ha-ha. Very funny." I said sarcasticly.

"Nessie, who's your favorite Disney characters?" I asked her.

"Well, I like Pooh Bear, Piglet, Tigger, Bambi, Thumper, Simba, Tod the Fox. Well, that's all." she shrugged.

"Hmm... wanna go to Africa and hunt?" I asked them.

"Okay!" Jazz shouted the loudest. He didn't know what's coming for him. I smiled evilly.

EPOV(Edward)

Emmett is planning something.

"Emmett! Why are you singing 'Oops I did It Again'?" I shouted across the room.

"Dad! Dad!" Renesmee came running to me.

"It's my vacation! Let's go to Africa!" she said excitedly. Emmett is using my daughter?!

"Yeah, Edward. Let's go somewhere not in the continent of U.S." Alice agreed. What is wrong with my siblings and theor revenge?

"Love, let's get Renesmee in our cottage." Bell told me and picked up Renesmee.

We were told 'goodnight's,sleep tight Nessie's and 'don't talk about the national debt' from Emmett.

I am so happy Bella's holding my hand right now, or I could have rip Emmett from limb to limb. I shook my head.

* * *

Well, that's all for now. Hmm. What is Emmett planning?  
Review! This chapter is for nattycullen for her ideas! Check my new story, Songs in Life. Thanks!

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

xoxo,  
jalice


	13. Game On: Emmett and Jazz Ramble

A/N: Okay, I know how awful I've been. So, here's the long-awaited chappy!

* * *

_Previously:_

_EPOV_

_"It's my vacation! Let's go to Africa!" she said excitedly. Emmett is using my daughter?!_

_"Yeah, Edward. Let's go somewhere not in the continent of U.S." Alice agreed. What is wrong with my siblings and their revenge?_

_"Love, let's get Renesmee in our cottage." Bell told me and picked up Renesmee._

_We were told 'goodnight's,sleep tight Nessie's and 'don't talk about the national debt' from Emmett._

_I am so happy Bella's holding my hand right now, or I could have rip Emmett from limb to limb. I shook my head._

**Africa**

EmPOV

_It's nighttime and it's the time to initiate my revenge._ I was singing 'Pokerface' in my head so Edward wouldn't hear my plan.

"Emmett, why are you rubbing your hands together like your an evil genius who's planning on dominating the world?" Edward asked me. _Brother, don't worry. I'm not planning something stupid. That's why you said I'm an evil genius, right?_

"Okay, scratch that. And hey, I didn't say you ARE an evil GENIUS. Why are you smiling so huge you look like a hyena who just spotted his prey?" He pressed. _You are such a kill joy, Edward. I wonder what Bella sees in you_. "Emmett, it's simple. She saw that I'm NOT stupid, smart, I don't act like a five-year old in front of people and oh, I don't have attention disorder?" he told me, smiling. _Stupid-mind-reading/raping-jerk!_

"Emmett, I told you I'm not stupid." he smirked. Oh, he has the guts to smirk huh? I am losing my temper with this ignorant.

"Emmett, don't call me ignorant. If I was that, what will we call you?" he laughing by now. I _tried_ to tackle him to the ground but he moved out of the way and I went straight flying, which by the way, caused the wreckage of Alice's, Rose's and Nessie's clothes.

"EEEEMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alice screamed like there's no tomorrow.

"Alice! What happened?" the over-panicked Jazz asked his wife.

"Emmett...he...........clothes..................mine.....Rose's.............Nessie's......my.....................CLOTHES!!!!" Alice pinned me to the ground. I think she's planning on-

"Ah! get her off me! Get the evil pixie off of me!!!!" I shouted. And they just laughed. They did'nt help me! _Edward I swear your gonna be mentally scarred for the rest of your existence when the little evil pixie gets off of me!_

"I'm calling Carlise." Edward ran to the other room to call Carlisle. _Good job, Eddieboy. _

"Don't call me that!" he shouted.

**After Carlisle's scolding**

"Emmett, please stop being immature. And Edward, stop annoying your siblings, please son." Esme plead to us.

"But, Mom, I didn't annoy him." Edward whined. Wow. I never thought this day would come. I was about to laugh when Edward death glared me.

"Edward." Mom said.

"Yes, Mom. I won't annoy my siblings." Edward said flatly.

" And you, Emmett. No video games or television for a week. Say sorry to your sister, wife, brother and niece." Mom Esme told me.

"Yes, Mom. Sorry Alice, sorry Rose, Sorry Edweird," Esme cleared her throat. "Sorry Edward and soory Ness." I said. They all forgave me. And the Edward took off to Jazz, a couple of minutes passed and then they started laughing.

**Another night in Africa**

RPOV

"Kids, come on! It's dark now. We can hunt now." Granpa Carlisle called us. We quickly ran down. As usual my dad gave me a piggy back ride through the thick forest. We finally made it and Dad set me on my feet.

"Come on Ness, hunt with us!" Aunt Rose called me and I ran towards them. Me, Aunt Rose, Uncle Em, Uncle Jazz and Aunt Alice hunt together.

EmPOV

Humiliating Jazz Program. Initiated.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Nessie cried.

"Ness what happened?" Edward was beside her at once. Edward glared.

"Unca Jazz! He bit Bambi!" she continued to cry and I was on the verge of laughing. The ground under me was shooking.

"Emmett! You son of a-" Alice quickly put her hand on his mouth.

"I'm innocent." I said cooly. Or atleast I'm trying to.

"Emmett. You have 5 freaking seconds to run before I rip you from limb to limb." Jasper threathened me.

I ran shouting "Who's the favorite uncle now, huh?" And thathit him like a baseball bat hitting ball.

"EEEMMMMMMEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTT!" Jasper screamed. And that's the first time I heard him shout like that. And probably the last time.

After two whole hours of Emmett-Jasper ramble.

"Jasper, two weeks no books or video games. Emmett, two months without t.v., videogames, and Rose." Carlisle said. He was really mad now.

"What Jasper gets two weeks and I get-" Carlisle cut me off.

"Three months. Now, the rest off you go hunt. Will go home tomorrow." Carlisle dismissed us and Jasper was feeling amused. I'm not going to stop before Nessie makes me her favorite uncle. The rest just stayed, they didn't hunt anymore.

"Emmett, stop now before Carlisle makes you move to Antartica or possibly North Pole." Edward said. North Pole? Oooh, that sounds fun.

"Emmett, no Santa Claus either." he added, that made me frown. I looked at Jazz and saw him smiling.

"Nessie, will you forgive me?" he asked Nessie. Jazz is really testing me.

"Uhm.... Will you not bite bambi again?" she replied.

"Okay, I won't bite any Bambi again." he smiled at her.

"Oh, wait. Uncle Jazz, will you buy me a pony?" Renesmee said, smiling at him.

"Uhm... ask you dad." Jazz was nervous about her request and I know why.

* * *

Okay, that's the end of the chapter. It's pretty stupid. I'm getting a writers block.

Well, REVIEW!!!

xoxo,  
JaLice


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